I had a colleague/sometimes friend ask me this today. I hate when a straight person asks me if Deb and I are still together, like without the word marriage, our relationship is simply dating.
It's been 18 years. We're not dating. Get it?
There was a general staff meeting today and we all had lunch afterwards (catered sandwiches, salads, etc). The usual catching up chit-chat was happening, and this colleague/sometimes friend came and sat next to me. It started fine, then it happened.
"Are you and Deb still, uh, together?"
"Are you still married?"
"Well I only meant, umm, I wasn't going to, umm, it's not like asking are you divorced or something"
"Uh, yes it is. Why do people always feel they can ask that question?"
Then she got up in a huff and walked away, going straight to our boss. He never looked my way and I have no idea what she was saying, but I don't really care. She insulted me. It may have been simply out of ignorance, it probably was - she's definitely not the sharpest tool in the shed - but she still needs to know that that question is demeaning and I'm not going to put up with it.
I had actually wanted to engage her in a discussion about societal norms, assumptions and cultural sensitivity. Apparently a tantrum is more her speed.
I'm going to meet with my boss next week and discuss it. Not to get her into trouble for insulting me, just to let him know she pissed me off and to share my side of the story.
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