Life comes at you fast

I think I've blogged about my dear friend Lora. If not, well, she's amazing. Lora is one of those people that, when she likes or loves you, you damn well know it. We are closer than I am to my own sister and we consider each other family.

Her sister, Bonnie, is married to Bob. Bob and my father were close friends when I was younger and Bob and Bonnie kind of "adopted" me as one of their own kids. Many an after school afternoon or summer day was spent at their house. Their kids are a few years younger, but not by much. Then life happened and the friendship between Bob and my father waned. Me being a kid I didn't understand it all, but I let the friendship with them wither and we drifted apart. Lora has kept me up to date with them as needed, and I've seen them a few times over the years, but nothing like it was.

Then a couple of months ago, I get a call from Lora that Bob has had some major surgery and as a result of his condition and a surgeon fucking up, is now a paraplegic. WHAT.THE.FUCK!?! A man who was essentially like a surrogate father to me is now disabled? A man who epitomizes denial and arrogance (in a good way), is now having to deal with life as a crip?? This is not good, on so many levels.

When Lora called, she was asking all kinds of disability questions, asking for websites and general help and advice. Nobody was ready to handle all the info that was being thrown at them, but at least with websites, they can digest it at their own pace.

So I waited a few weeks, wanted him to get settled into his new body, then I'd give him a call and maybe visit. I called him Saturday night and we had a great conversation. He spent most of it not believing I was actually on the phone, but it was really great for both of us. I think both of us also needed it.

On a whim, I decided to go visit him in rehab yesterday. Wow. Blew my mind. Blew his too, I'm sure, but holy fucking shit. I didn't know what to expect so I went in rather open-minded, but seeing him in the chair was definitely a shock. Ok, so I knew he'd be in one, duh, but it's a total paradigm shift from what I know of him. He's still cracking dirty jokes, so some things haven't changed.

When I got there, he told me that Bonnie was coming down with a few friends and they were going to have a picnic on the grounds. So double bonus...seeing Bob and Bonnie at the same time. Needless to say, Bonnie was just as shocked to see me. Their friends were very nice and we all had a picnic outside on the grounds, talking almost non-stop for 3 hours. I plan to spend as much time as possible with him/them. It's time I gave back at least some of what they gave me.

Bob and Bonnie's daughter is getting married in August and they have to fly to Seattle. Traveling as a crip will be a totally new experience for them and Bonnie has been asking me questions. I've been giving them answers, but it remains to be seen whether they can handle the trip emotionally. I'm not sure they can. Bob is still talking about walking out of rehab...total denial...and Bonnie is hoping they can find a PCA (aide) while they're out there. I'm tempted to just buy a ticket and fly with them, just to help him/them along and teach them what to do, then fly back home a day or two later. If I could get through fucking security without a ticket, I would. All they need is the nuts and bolts of what to do and how to do it in an airport...once he's on the plane, that's it for 5 hours.

As for the PCA, I'm contacting friends out there and hope that someone responds with a suggestion. I hate to see my family in pain.