Vicarious Trauma

I hate hearing people. There are days where I simply hate hearing people. Not for being hearing per se, but for the attitudes, ignorance, arrogance and pure stupidity around Deaf people and deafness.

I had an assignment this morning, the kind that tears at your heart, makes you enraged, and makes you hate yourself for delivering the message. It's a relatively common message, hundreds of American families say it every day.."it's time to leave your home and make the move to an assisted living facility or nursing home." It fucking sucks, but for most hearing people, it's a discussion, an acceptance, and making the decision for yourself. Then if you're Deaf, you often have hearing familiy members making the decisions for you. It's a patronizing, demeaning thing and I want to stomp on all the hearing people who do it. Vicarious trauma is a bitch.

I get to my assignment this morning with the information that it's about discharge and planning meeting. Seems benign enough. The first person I meet in the lobby for the meeting is a lawyer. This is not going to be good. After the family and my client's husband come, we all go upstairs for the meeting. During the meeting, the social worker, physical therapists, lawyer, and family are all talking over each other and their heads, having multiple conversations at once, making these decisions, and getting annoyed that the patient is non-compliant with physical therapy. I'm stuck in the middle, trying to interpret what's going on and trying to follow 3 or 4 conversations at the same time. Several times I stopped the conversations and asked them to speak one at a time, letting me catch up. That lasted for about a minute and then the mayhem began again. When the therapists complained about her being non-compliant, I couldn't remain silent and "impartial". I simply asked if they had ever had an interpreter with them during her sessions. The room pretty much got silent. Fucking DUH. She may very well be a stubborn pain in the ass, but at least make the fucking effort to communicate fully with her before you label her. The final decisions were made by the family members and social worker. The husband basically had no say in the matter, his only option was to agree to their terms. How fucking oppressive!

I.wanted.to.scream. I wanted to join Estelle's quest for boiling orange juice. I hated them for doing it and I hated myself for passing along the message. I also hated myself for not stopping the conversations more and emphasizing that he needed time to process what they were saying. They were changing his life without his consent. I left there feeling dirty. I felt like I committed a crime against this man and basically ended his life as he knew it. God sometimes this work totally sucks.